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5 Reasons NOT To Visit Australia

Catherine Atton
September 6, 2017

1. Beaches will no longer impress you

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Australia is brimming with beautiful beaches including Bondi, Whitehaven and drum roll please... world recordbreaker for the 'whitest sand' Hyams Beach. No other beach will EVER compare.

2. You'll become a fan of big rocks

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One thing that Australia does well is big rocks. In particular, a massive sandstone monolith in the heart of the "Red Centre" known as Uluru. Over 550 million years old and sacred to Australia's Aboriginal culture, this rock means business.

3. Every coffee you drink hereafter will taste like mud

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Melbourne's coffee culture is NEXT LEVEL. With over 1,600 cafes in the city alone and world champion baristas on every corner (literally) your skinny, soy, mocha, roasted from a Colombian blend won't come in short supply. It has a fab cafe culture that will make you think twice before brewing a cup of instant muck.

4. You'll make 'professional mermaid' your next job title

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Home to one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World, the Great Barrier Reef is an aquatic dream. With plenty of scuba diving, snorkelling and sailing trips to take your fancy, you'll never want to leave those crystal clear waters! And inevitably, think that you genuinely could spend the rest of your life under the sea.

5. You won't be able to look at an avocado without smashing it

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'Smashed avo' is surprisingly (or rather unsurprisingly) an Australian delicacy. For the rest of us normal people it's mushy avocado on toast. But don't let that fool you, the Aussie Breakkie is a thing true of beauty, from Asian-infusion style dishes like chilli scrambled eggs at Sir, Charles in Fitzroy to smoked salmon & cream cheese bagels at Manchester Press in Melbourne's CBD. You won't be going hungry.

If you don't want to become a professional mermaid, never again enjoy an instant cup of coffee or become a fan of big rocks, then don't go to Australia, we repeat: DO NOT GO TO AUSTRALIA. Otherwise, sure why the hell not?!

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Catherine Atton

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